Perhaps the title of this article might stimulate some visuals of dusting off the bookshelves while trying to figure out how to manage your career change and/or social schedule. One of my mentors used to talk about cleaning out the ashtrays, even though he wasn’t a smoker. Sometimes we just need to clean up our lives a bit and challenge the future in the process.
I had to make a change recently, not feeling completely comfortable and in flow with the process, in order to fulfill and agreement I’d made with my life partner of the past decade or so. A door opened for the moment and, although it didn’t feel like it was going to last long, I made the move. Wow, did I get a wake-up call in short order.
Being responsible for creating everything in your life is a tall order. Sometimes what we create forcibly turns around to give us a real clear vision of our cognitive dissonance. Even when agreements are made and contracts signed, that doesn’t mean that the performance of the parties will be congruent with the stated mission and purpose of the alignment. What I mean by that is people aren’t always honest, but show up as they are over time for all to see.
I tend to look at my immediate environment and extrapolate the cosmic significance in order to understand the bigger picture of how people play (or not) and what it really means to create harmony among people. People often say they want balance and harmony, but how they show up in life simply prohibits it and they tend to blame everyone around them instead of looking in the mirror. I got a harsh look in the mirror that offered still deeper levels of an old pattern I uncovered a decade ago. I’ve been working through it and am still challenged by it evidently.
Changing beliefs is easy, or so we think. Somehow, though, my nemesis showed up once again… “I have a lot to offer, but you will reject me.” Do you have something like that rolling around in your head and/or heart? I know where it came from – being orphaned. As an adoptee I found my search for depth in life was far more important than anything else. It still is and I’m not triggered by behaviors of others, but so many are still. The first sign is when others project their opinions like, “You think your are better than… ” It sucks when people do that and nothing anyone can say will change that belief. It’s locked and loaded.
The whole concept of feeling like one needs to help others to heal usually comes from a deeply wounded individual that hasn’t found their own healing yet. The old adage of ‘we teach what we need to learn’ certainly applies if we are listening. The thing is it takes deep listening or gazing in the mirror to see yourself in that way. Most folks tend to reject that view and act out aggressively. It’s sad to see it happen, even heart-wrenching when you are in the middle of it. It’s even more disappointing when you’ve made every attempt to be the change you with to see and it just ain’t happenin’ around you.
So how do we show up? Are we really authentic or do we have layers and layers of masks that we use to hide from the truth? Do we honor others or usurp their power for our own purpose and steal their energy and resources with no respect offered? Do we give with no expectation of return or do we play the invisible reach around with a hidden agenda that is obvious to others but oblivious to our own sight? Do we play the victim card or do we acknowledge the choice we made to be out of integrity?
We all have our agendas and reasons for behaving certain ways. I certainly stepped out of bounds and held back in expressing my own needs in order to fulfill the needs of another. Sometimes that is the best and most gracious way to be in life. However there is a balance, a harmony of self and others that we often find challenging. We rarely communicate our true feelings, let alone ask for feedback from others about how we appear to show up in our relationships.
If we are unable to do that in our personal relationships, those that are closest and most sacred, then how can we expect to show up in a professional environment any differently? I think it was T. Harv Eker that said, “What you do anywhere, you do everywhere.” I think about that a lot. I review my authenticity, my intentions and my reflections as though my life depends on it. If I show up anywhere out of sync, then I probably show up everywhere out of sync. What do you think about that for your own life?
There is a lot of discussion about being able to anticipate the needs of our future business, social and technological needs. Analyzing trends is big business, but it still relies on historical values… past events. Yes, it is recent past in our current trending reviews, but still the past. It is my opinion that, looking through new eyes with the review of how we show up and the reflections we get, we have an obligation to create a future that is harvesting the past while engaging a rapid growth cycle. That growth comes from authentic and effective communication at all levels of our lives. That is how we can “Be the change we wish to see.”
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