Dreams to Reality

Dreams to RealityDreams to Reality

Let’s face it. We all have dreams. We all have goals. Are they congruent? Does our inner life reflect in our outer life? Do we show up authentically or do we make believe and work¬†toward something that mocks our dreams instead?

We’ve heard that goals are dreams with deadlines, but are they?

Over the years in both my personal and professional lives I’ve found that folks don’t seem to follow their dreams. Why is that? We can identify all sorts of reasons, but what are the simple and most profound ones? Could it be that we don’t feel worthy? Could it be that we really don’t believe they are possible? Could it be that we have conflicting belief systems that cause us to self-sabotage or refuse to open the door when an opportunity knocks?

Worse yet, do we run away when what we’ve asked for shows up in our reality?

The latter seems to be the most recognizable for me. I’ve been fortunate, even blessed, to have had so many opportunities to perform on a variety of stages in life. I’ve been scared to death of failing and yet risen to the occasion in spite of those fears. I’ve learned the fear is also a door. On the other side of it are¬†phenomenal rewards. People are used to having their dreams and hopes dashed and fall into the rut of ‘if it’s too good to be true it probably is.’ How destructive that is when the exact opposite is the fulfillment of our dreams. If part of us is in denial of the possibility, then how can the other part of us perform at peak levels?

How do we translate our dreams to reality?

I watched myself go through these stages, from fear to joy to despair when others have shown up in my life with similar if not the same dreams and goals only to snap back into some fear-laden rhetoric inside their heads and disappear into the shadows as a result. It seems many run from fulfillment and joy. Why? Many books have been written on that subject.

It wasn’t until my mid-40s that I uncovered a cognitively dissonant belief I held that was causing those same patterns… risk, reward and release. I’d risk being vulnerable and step up to the plate, hit a double and knock a couple of runs in and then get stuck on base. Home was something I only saw from a distance. I realized that the emotional pattern had been set up deeply when I was orphaned at birth, but never realized how destructive it was until I took a really hard look in the mirror with the question of ‘Why?’ in regards to continued false starts and short-term relationships.

So, I began wondering if the same pattern was also part of the thoughtmospheric conditions in others; “I have a lot to offer, but you are going to reject me.” It seems we show up full of vim, vigor and vulnerability, but we have this inner self-deprecation that takes place as far as being worthy of the rewards that we sorely appreciate and even suffer to attain. There’s this internal dialog that tells us it isn’t going to work or it’s too much of a leap of faith to let go of where we are to have what we desire. We can’t let go of the past in order to move into the future… and it happens in the moment. We butt-pucker and yank the reigns hard.

The same pattern happens all over our lives, in our relationships both personally and professionally. We carry around unspoken and unfulfilled expectations that we never talk about and wonder why they are never addressed. Speaking up feels like being too vulnerable and we’d surely be rejected if people knew the insanity going on inside our heads, but we let it continue. We don’t communicate, except to the committee in our head. It’s no wonder we’ve got a nation (world) of addicts and self-medicators, numbing themselves out to the very things that offer freedom and, ultimately, JOY.

Transform Your Life

Transform Your Life

So perhaps translating our dreams to reality might involve help from both inside and outside sources. Transformational life coaching is one of the resources that is gaining popularity, although it still vastly underutilized. Of course many get ‘certification’ because they are still working on themselves but feel it’s their calling to help others. Those shingles belong on a roof and not on a door or wall, imho.

Finding someone with credentials that offer evidence of mastery internally and externally is often a challenge, but they are out there. Changing your life means changing the way you think, first of all. Find someone that challenges how you think and invites you to think differently. Your life will transform as a result, but it won’t happen over night.

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Undisturbed Calmness

Undisturbed calmness-Zen-SRF

Undisturbed Calmness

That sure is a tall order for the average person in today’s world. It’s nearly impossible to stand undisturbed in the emotional tsunami that surrounds us everywhere we go. We’re pushed and pulled in every direction while we navigate the travails of our daily activities on the ocean of emotion.

It surely is a challenge to keep our sanity with so much turmoil in our world. The insanity of how humans treat humans seems almost impossible to change. Liabilities, limitations and excuses keep us from making the simple choices to clean up our thinking, affecting our behavior. Calmness comes from clarity; vision with an emptiness of desire or prejudice.

We seek to create the life we want to live. The frustrations mount when we don’t see immediate results. We hope and pray that we’re doing the right things as we wait for the signs to reflect. We strive to calm the inner dialog that seems to run rampant in times of high stress. The chaos to order scenario is hardly a notion that calms us in the depths of an emotional quagmire. Yet it can happen. We CAN be quiet.

Stilling the mind in the midst of the mayhem, perturbations plaguing the peace within, is simpler than we may think. In fact, our thoughts are so available to observe that once we begin to do so, changes happen automatically. Expecting to completely overhaul our thoughtmosphere in a short time is rather silly. It took a long time to get here. Relax, enjoy the journey back to center and make fun of yourself whenever possible. It helps to release the grip of the pattern.

You will be surprised how, completely unannounced, amazing things begin to show up. First, sporadically and then with more regularity as you come back to center more often. It’s important to breathe deeply when you have a moment, reminding you to relax and let go. Just when you are least expecting it…. something or someone will enter your world to make it all worthwhile.

It happened to me just the other day. The heavens opened and ‘coincidence’ caught up with ‘providence.’ It was quite obvious upon review. The day started with an invitation to a spiritual discussion group at a local Baha’i center. The discussion was about ‘family’ and the virtues that strong family values empower. I’ve got a wonderful extended family, but no one as a partner in life. Afterward, some friends and I decided to meet at a Barnes & Noble to catch up on life and share recent successes.

We met in the cafe’ at Barnes & Noble and had quite a wonderful conversation about the recent events in all our lives. A woman was sitting near us and I noticed she was reading The Scarlet Letter. I made a flippant comment about not seeing anyone read the book in a long time. My friends engaged her as well and, realizing that there was an ease of communication and natural affinity developing, invited her to join us.

Over the course of the next few hours evidence began to arise that this ‘chance’ meeting wasn’t so coincidental. A conversation took us into deeper and deeper recognition that our meeting was destined to move us both into a better position for fulfilling our dreams and goals. Perhaps those details will benefit many in the next few years. The trials and tribulations that produced the opportunity to discover the process to calmness produced a life-altering connection.

I’m grateful for all that has gotten me here now. More later…

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Spring Cleaning and Social Engineering

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Spring Cleaning and Social Engineering

Perhaps the title of this article might stimulate some visuals of dusting off the bookshelves while trying to figure out how to manage your career change and/or social schedule. One of my mentors used to talk about cleaning out the ashtrays, even though he wasn’t a smoker. Sometimes we just need to clean up our lives a bit and challenge the future in the process.

I had to make a change recently, not feeling completely comfortable and in flow with the process, in order to fulfill and agreement I’d made with my life partner of the past decade or so. A door opened for the moment and, although it didn’t feel like it was going to last long, I made the move. Wow, did I get a wake-up call in short order.

Being responsible for creating everything in your life is a tall order. Sometimes what we create forcibly turns around to give us a real clear vision of our cognitive dissonance. Even when agreements are made and contracts signed, that doesn’t mean that the performance of the parties will be congruent with the stated mission and purpose of the alignment. What I mean by that is people aren’t always honest, but show up as they are over time for all to see.

I tend to look at my immediate environment and extrapolate the cosmic significance in order to understand the bigger picture of how people play (or not) and what it really means to create harmony among people. People often say they want balance and harmony, but how they show up in life simply prohibits it and they tend to blame everyone around them instead of looking in the mirror. I got a harsh look in the mirror that offered still deeper levels of an old pattern I uncovered a decade ago. I’ve been working through it and am still challenged by it evidently.

Changing beliefs is easy, or so we think. Somehow, though, my nemesis showed up once again… “I have a lot to offer, but you will reject me.” Do you have something like that rolling around in your head and/or heart? I know where it came from – being orphaned. As an adoptee I found my search for depth in life was far more important than anything else. It still is and I’m not triggered by behaviors of others, but so many are still. The first sign is when others project their opinions like, “You think your are better than… ” It sucks when people do that and nothing anyone can say will change that belief. It’s locked and loaded.

The whole concept of feeling like one needs to help others to heal usually comes from a deeply wounded individual that hasn’t found their own healing yet. The old adage of ‘we teach what we need to learn’ certainly applies if we are listening. The thing is it takes deep listening or gazing in the mirror to see yourself in that way. Most folks tend to reject that view and act out aggressively. It’s sad to see it happen, even heart-wrenching when you are in the middle of it. It’s even more disappointing when you’ve made every attempt to be the change you with to see and it just ain’t happenin’ around you.

So how do we show up? Are we really authentic or do we have layers and layers of masks that we use to hide from the truth? Do we honor others or usurp their power for our own purpose and steal their energy and resources with no respect offered? Do we give with no expectation of return or do we play the invisible reach around with a hidden agenda that is obvious to others but oblivious to our own sight? Do we play the victim card or do we acknowledge the choice we made to be out of integrity?

We all have our agendas and reasons for behaving certain ways. I certainly stepped out of bounds and held back in expressing my own needs in order to fulfill the needs of another. Sometimes that is the best and most gracious way to be in life. However there is a balance, a harmony of self and others that we often find challenging. We rarely communicate our true feelings, let alone ask for feedback from others about how we appear to show up in our relationships.

If we are unable to do that in our personal relationships, those that are closest and most sacred, then how can we expect to show up in a professional environment any differently? I think it was T. Harv Eker that said, “What you do anywhere, you do everywhere.” I think about that a lot. I review my authenticity, my intentions and my reflections as though my life depends on it. If I show up anywhere out of sync, then I probably show up everywhere out of sync. What do you think about that for your own life?

There is a lot of discussion about being able to anticipate the needs of our future business, social and technological needs. Analyzing trends is big business, but it still relies on historical values… past events. Yes, it is recent past in our current trending reviews, but still the past. It is my opinion that, looking through new eyes with the review of how we show up and the reflections we get, we have an obligation to create a future that is harvesting the past while engaging a rapid growth cycle. That growth comes from authentic and effective communication at all levels of our lives. That is how we can “Be the change we wish to see.”

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